A warning to my readers those who humor me:
This post isn't going to be entertaining. In fact, it's not even for you. It's for me. A little therapy if you will. Okay~ so the therapy took place in the bathroom a half hour ago but nonetheless, I need to process some emotions tonight and my blog is how I'm choosing to do it so sorry. Read on if you must but consider yourself warned.
Here we go.
I had have a best friend. Well we were best friends in college but once a best friend always a best friend right? She moved away after we graduated and we made every effort to stay in touch but over the years we drifted a bit apart. Only because life is busy not because the friendship ended. About 7 months ago I stopped hearing from her. Only I didn't notice because I was so busy with my whole grad school/student teaching/mother of three/stake calling/wife/neighbor thing I have going on right now.
Then I started noticing.
Then I started panicking.
We've never in 13 years gone this long without speaking. I knew something was wrong. So earlier this week I called her and left a message. She called me and left a message. I then called her and left a message. I think you see where this is going.
She finally called me back today during my prep hour and the story she proceeded to tell me is unthinkable. It's horrible. It's not my story to tell. So for the sake of her privacy just know this......I stood there through my whole prep hour and then through lunch (thankfully they're back to back. A tender mercy from heaven which I've been grateful for since I started student teaching) in a complete trance. I was shocked beyond belief at what I was hearing and knew there wasn't anything I could do. I had to be strong for her but then I had to be strong for me because the time flew and before I knew it, fourth period was starting, and I had 23 rowdy kids just off of a lunch high filtering into my classroom.
To make matters worse they were saying things like: "Mrs. Kay we heard about what we're going to be doing today and we can't wait!"
Apparently I have a reputation to uphold and I owed it to the kids to table my emotions and process them later.
I'm not kidding here people when I say "the second" I got into my car to drive home I began to cry. I couldn't even conceive of what I had been told 3 1/2 hours earlier. I continued to cry the whole way home. I wanted to keep crying but as I pulled up I saw that Justin was home already. I don't like to cry in front of him. I always think he'll see it as a sign of weakness.
So I stopped. I faked my way through dinner (not really sure if I even ate to be honest with you) and then excused myself to go clean the boys' bathroom. Their shower was getting out of hand and I even got a new shower curtain for it because no matter how many times I wash and/or bleach it it still looks nasty. I think I even saw mold.
So I knew I'd have a good 45 minutes to myself in there. Scrubbing the shower and crying. Crying and thinking. Crying and wondering how on earth this could've happened. I knew if anyone came along I could just yell: "Don't come in here! There's cleaner fumes! Go away!"
But I hadn't been in there very long when Justin came in. He doesn't usually follow me around the house when I'm cleaning. He asked if I was okay and I remember saying: "I don't think I can talk about it right now. You'll have to ask later." But by then I was already teary eyed.
Bless his little heart. He stood there quietly hanging the new shower curtain while I talked and cried. Then when I finished saying all that I wanted needed to say he spoke.
For the record, he is my rock. He is wise and he is right. He is the calming influence in my life that keeps me grounded. He is the only one on the planet that could've come into that bathroom at that particular time and made me feel better. If you are ever unsure of the direction your life should take, ask him. If you are ever unsure how something could've happened, ask him.
If you ever need a therapy session in the bathroom, ask him.
