Compassionate Service

"The only true way to prove you have lost your inner child is if you don't laugh when you hear the word "poop"."

Dear Reader:

I understand that this post will be inappropriate. My last one was also. But, what you don't understand is that as the only girl in my house, I'm surrounded by inappropriate material all of the time. It's just how it goes when you live with a family that thinks bodily functions are hilarious (husband included)....so, here we go:

As I stepped out of the shower this morning I heard screaming. Not the "that's my toy...give it back" scream or the "I'm overly tired and whiny" scream. Those I can tune out. This was the "I'm hurt!" scream.

I ran to find Carter in his bathroom, sitting on the toilet. He was working on something painful. Yep. The dreaded constipation. I went in to try to calm him down and help him through it. That's when Jamon showed up.

"Mom, I got this. This has happened to me before" he said. He motioned for me to leave and he closed the door behind me. He was holding a stool and a magazine.

I REALLY had a hard time not laughing. It was so cute and sweet, but so gross at the same time.

"Whatta a great brother", I thought. Here he is, home from school sick (with a queazy stomach no less) and he's willing to help his brother with his "poop" problem. So, I left and went back to my bathroom to finish getting ready. After a few minutes I went to check on them. Here's what I heard:

"Is it any better?"

Through tears: "No. Go get mom."

"Buddy, she won't feel bad for ya..she's given birth. I'm sure that's worse."

Ba ha haha ha ha !

You got that right Jamon! It reminded me of City Slickers when Curly says to Mitch: "I crap bigger than you!"

Anyway, I would've taken a picture of the whole adorable scene, but I'm pretty sure If I post naked potty pictures on my blog, I'll end up in jail.

X Rated Bingo

Tonight was family game night. We decided to play the new Bingo game the boys got for Christmas from their sort- of -adopted great grandma. So, the five of us settled down and began. We were having fun playing and taking turns being the "caller". Being the caller was kind of fun because you got to spin this bad boy.....

Yeah, pretty sweet, I know. So after a while Carter wants to be the caller. We were all a little apprehensive about this because...well...he's five. I personally didn't think he could recognize two-digit numbers all the way to 75. He quickly proved us wrong. After a while we stopped double-checking the balls because he was spot-on every time. The only problem was he kept calling them "nuts" instead of balls. Not really a huge deal until his oldest brother tried to help him catch a stray ball that had fallen out of the wheel.

"Don't touch my nuts!" he yelled.

Instant. Laughter.

Now normally Justin serves as the family's moral compass, but he was laughing just as hard as Camdon and Jamon. So, it was up to me to say things like: "Knock it off!" "That's completely inappropriate!" Blah. Blah. Blah. No one was listening and Carter doesn't realize what's so funny. He's just five and still pure and innocent. He hasn't yet been corrupted by the world and it's inappropriate slang terms for human body parts. So, his little feelers are hurt because as far as he can tell everyone just busted up laughing at him for no reason at all. He got up to leave mumbling something about how someone else can "finish calling the nuts cuz he's outta here!"

I convinced him to rejoin the game and we ended up playing black out. Justin won and we all went to the kitchen to enjoy our Bingo prizes...yogurt covered pretzels and milk before bed.

While the boys were enjoying their spoils, Justin and I had a good laugh. It was then he brought up a very good point:

If Carter is ever approached by a pedophile...he'll know EXACTLY what to say!

Bronco Nation Stinks.....

Justin had the amazing opportunity to go to the Fiesta Bowl. He and four other guys (one of them was Brian, his brother) drove down in an RV. They left right after the game got over and drove straight through the night. It was something like 2000 miles in 72 hours.

I picked him up tonight and after we started driving home he sniffed a couple of times and asked: "have you been smoking in here?" Obviously I don't smoke...

"That's you!" I said.

"What is it?", he asked.

"Diesel fuel and man stink."

"Ya, we didn't really get to shower much...."

Ya think? Five guys in a little RV sharing beds and eating burritos...

MMMM...welcome home honey!

"In the jungles of 'kiddom', the mind shifts gears rapidly...."

Camdon's bunny-sitting for the neighbors while they're at the Fiesta Bowl. Everyday he goes over and feeds and waters the rabbit. Today he invited Carter to tag along to see the cute little bunny. I hadn't anticipated that this would cause sever sadness over the loss of our own rabbit a year ago....

By the time they got back, Carter was sobbing a rather dramatic scenario about missing peanut. I did all the things a good mom does: I listened...I told him I knew how he felt......I said I was sorry....and then I asked whether he wanted oreos or licorice. The tears immediately stopped and he said: "oohh, I'll take both!"

Problem solved.