I Married a Geek

"She's a Cheerleader and you've seen StarWars 27 times. You do the math."

There is much to envy about my life. I know. But, to be sure, the best decision I ever made was to marry Justin. Yes, we are from polar opposite worlds, but what difference does that make? Yes, his parents were shocked when he announced he was engaged, but what difference does that make? Yes, it took years of "explaining him" to my family, but what difference does that make? Yes, sometimes our friends and neighbors are curious as to how we ever got together, but what difference does that make?

I love my Geek and I'm very proud of him. So, in honor of our life together, I've decided to share some insight as to why I could possibly be so happy with this man who is so seriously misunderstood by most people.

Enjoy....

WHY GEEKS MAKE SUCH GOOD HUSBANDS

1. Geeks don't sleep around.

Geeks, through their higher IQ and therefore greater understanding of the tragedy of human condition, know that the dice only seem to have more sides on the other side of the table. Hence, they instinctively stay loyal to their lovers through thick and thin. Their social skills are also not well developed enough to support an affair, and frankly, geeks generally aren’t quite sure how they ended up with the wife they have attracted. When you marry a geek, you know the geek will be yours until you are done.

2. Geeks are not interested in status.

Geeks became geeks because they chose to spend their time doing things that would not necessarily make them popular with everyone else in school, like sports and fashion. The ability to resist peer pressure is important to a geek. This means that a geek is more interested in their or your happiness than looking good to others, which will come in handy when either (a) you need attention, in any sort ranging from the nurturing to the lascivious, and also, because both of those things are not necessarily unorthagonal dimensions, any combination of the two, or (b) you need to be rescued because it is the climax of a teen 80’s movie. Or both.

3. Geeks haven't formed bad habits.

The lack of past girlfriends allows the geek to approach his wife with the zest of the neophyte. Geeks are not full of romantic confidence; however, once coaxed from their emotional holes like tame bunnies, they are eager to please and enjoy their newfound relationship.

4. Geeks have excellent finger dexterity.

Geeks roll dice. Geeks play video games. Geeks flip pages in books. Geeks type a lot, and use characters like ~ and ^ and | that no one else has any use for. Geeks use calculators in postfix notation. As a result, a geek knows how to use his or her fingers to greatest possible effect.

So there you have it. No, I'm not really this clever. This is taken from an article Justin sent me called: "Awkward things I say to girls." But, it's hilarious and absolutely fitting to my life as "wife-of-geek". A title I uphold with honor. Love you Geek-o-mine!

See Kirk's Head

"Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man-there's your diamond in the rough."

For about a year now Carter has been obsessed with the fact that our friend Kirk is bald. It's sweet how concerned he is, but kind of annoying too, because he just won't let it go. He's always talking about what we can do to help. His best solution is to give Kirk our old "mad scientist"wig we bought a few years ago for a Halloween costume. Once he even asked if he could ride over to his house on his bike and deliver the gift. In his little mind, he would be delivering not only the gift, but also delivering Kirk from the miserable suffering that being bald MUST be. He's so full of compassion!

Anyway, it's been a while since Carter's mentioned it so I assumed he'd forgotten about it. Friday night we had friends over for Justin's birthday, and of course, Kirk was there. You should've seen the look on Carter's face when he realized the time of deliverance had finally come. Kirk was a very good sport! In honor of the special event, I've written a book. Enjoy.

See Kirk's Head

This is Kirk.

Kirk is bald.

See Kirk's bald head.

This is Carter.

Carter is grossed out by Kirk.

See Carter grossed out.

This is our wig.

Carter wants Kirk to have the wig.

Kirk said he will wear the wig.

Carter is happy. See Carter happy.

This is Danielle. She is Kirk's wife. She laughed so hard she cried.

The End.

Behavior Report

"When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear."---Mark Twain

So, the other day Carter came home with something stapled to his backpack. He said it was very important and that I should read it right away and then look for an email from his teacher.

It was a behavior report.

I've never, ever, gotten one of these before. My heart sunk.

No one wants their kid to be the naughty kid.

After I read it, I understood. And began to laugh.

This is what it said:

"Academically, Carter is very successful, knowing all his letters and sounds. He is one of the first kids to feel that he can really write what he knows, and feels confident about it. Carter is by far the most mature child in the class. However, he gets annoyed and loses his patience with the other kids at his table. Every once in a while he acts out with unkind words"

Gee. Who else do we know that has always been way too mature for his own good? Who else do we know that loses patience with others when they're not as smart as him?

AAAHH. I love my husband. And I love my boys. But I especially love it when I see my husband IN my boys.

And for the record.......Mrs. Wallace......Carter is not as mature as you think he is.....

Look what I found on my camera. I guarantee this was Carter's idea!

Carter's Birthday Party...MasterCard Style

Invitations, party hats, napkins, and plates......$13

Harry Potter wands and ties for every guest.....$8.15

Jamon's old pair of reading glasses........$122

Supplies for "Potions" class........$22.37

The fact that not a single kid who came to the party knew who Harry Potter was......Priceless

Oh well, happy birthday Carter! I can't believe my baby is 6. We love you!

Baby duty

"A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it."--Jerry Seinfeld

My brother and his wife are in Hawaii for 8 days. We have the baby while their away. She's almost two and I have to say there is so much I'd forgotten about having a little one.

For instance, I had forgotten that you can't give a baby applesauce and then walk away.....

Or take a shower and assume the toilet paper will be fine....

or expect the house to stay clean.....

I had forgotten that one poopy diaper will smell up the whole house.

HOWEVER.....

I also forgot how much I love rocking a baby to sleep.

I forgot how much I love the smell of baby lotion.

I forgot how much joy a little one can bring to a home.

You wouldn't believe how many people have asked me this week if she makes me want to have another one. The answer is no.